ocd

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Hormonal Imbalance in detail

Hormonal Imbalance can affect both men and women in the following possible ways:

  • fatigue
  • PMS (women)
  • headaches, foggy thinking
  • UTIs (women)
  • acne
  • depression, anxiety
  • hair loss
  • low sex drive
  • allergy symptoms
  • sleep problems
  • mood swings
  • hunger cravings
  • weight gain

I know what you’re thinking- so what symptom isn’t on the list?  Good question, but there’s an even better answer.  Every multi-cell organism has hormones.  Hormones are essentially chemical messengers that transports a signal from one cell to another.  Hormones are responsible for maintaining homeostasis and regulate all kinds of functions like sleep, eating, fertility, puberty…  The thing is if your hormones are imbalanced, your whole body from your physiology to your mental state can be “wrong”.

I felt like things were not right.  I mean when something feels wrong with my body, I’m the first one to know about it.  It’s easy to forget about little nuisances because we get used to them, so taking a fresh look at your life can be helpful in evaluating your health.

In my recent posts I have explained how my OCD spikes during PMS.  So much anxiety and craziness, I feel like there’s a connection between OCD and hormonal imbalance.  Remember the magic word: Serotonin?  Serotonin is a neurotransmitter which is a hormone too, so is it so crazy to think that all this stuff is connected; that maybe a hormonal imbalance is causing or at least exaserbating my OCD?  Nope, it sure isn’t!

How do you get a hormonal imbalance?

  1. Eating commercial foods – this means foods that are not organic and have been treated with pesticides, hormones and antibiotics.
  2. Toxins – things like window cleaner, perfume, basically anything that is composed of synthetic chemicals.
  3. Hormone Therapy – this includes birth control (pills, patch…) , or hormone replacement therapy (HRT)

Birth Control Pills/Patch

Women are often prescribed birth control not for prevention of pregnancy but  for acne, mood swings or PMS.  Can you see where I am going with this?  Birth control is loaded with Estrogen, way more than your body needs by 10 times!  This estrogen is commercially made from things like the urine of mares, and is used by the body, but not in the same way as your natural estrogen.  The body gets the fake stuff in abundance and says “wow, this stuff works good, let’s stop making our own estrogen and just use this stuff.”  This can really change your body’s natural chemistry and create an estrogen dominance.  For many women, this can make their menstrual cycles much worse and cause many of the symptoms previously listed.  Many women claim success with the use of birth control because maybe they had low estrogen to begin with, but the myth that birth control will work wonders on everyone  is causing more harm than good.

I’m not saying to stop taking birth control!  If you are experiencing unwanted side effects, talk to your OBGYN about a lower estrogen brand, or switch to a non hormonal method of contraception.

I mentioned how taking hormones can cause a problem and they can, but not when done properly.  If you find out you have a hormonal imbalance, say low progesterone, you can supplement with natural progesterone cream made from phytoestrogens (plants).  Natural is just that, natural!  It is safe with no risk of blood clots or other nasty symptoms.

I recently sent away for a home saliva test ($60) and found out I have slightly low estrogen and very low progesterone.  You can buy these tests online and take them at home.  There are different tests for different hormones so it’s a good idea to take a symptom test online first and see which hormones are most likely the culprit.  There are different tests for men and women.

I don’t take birth control, and I eat organically, so I am assuming that the anxiety caused by my OCD is throwing off my cortisol levels.  Cortisol is the stress hormone, so when I am stressed (a lot of the time), I use up all this cortisol and my body runs out and converts my progesterone into more cortisol.  Yikes!  So my current treatment is to supplement with natural progesterone cream, and increase my intake of soy and other phytoestrogens.  I am hoping that this will help with the PMS and decrease the stress in my life therefore getting my cortisol back to normal.   If  I can help my PMS, that’s a lot less OCD manifesting in my life.

When working on your hormones, and especially if you don’t have a dr. (like me), go slowly, do your research and give it about 3 months to see a difference (from what I read).  Listen to your body.  Your body knows and it will tell you.

I’ll post results after 3 months of treatment.  Remember that your health is important, whether it be in dealing with your OCD or your physical health.  Many times one health problem can cause another, so treat your whole body, not just the symptoms.  Be safe!

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PMS and OCD

I get almost every PMS symptom in the book: headaches, crying spells, insomnia, cramps, back aches… and my OCD spikes.

I am forced to ask what is the connection between OCD and PMS?  Two seemingly different conditions, both making me depressed and frustrated to a breaking point.

An OBGYN suggested birth control pills, which to me seems a bit hasty.  “So you are telling me to up my estrogen levels to hopefully decrease my PMS symptoms?”  I know the pill has helped many women, but for many it makes it drastically worse, and why shouldn’t it?  After all, if there is a hormonal imbalance causing PMS, then why just presume it’s the estrogen that’s off?

But I digress, I can only guess that the hippocampus could have something to do with it, but I really don’t know.  Perhaps it comes back to serotonin.  SSRIs are commonly prescribed for both PMS and OCD.

After I found out I was gluten intolerant and gave up wheat, my PMS improved significantly.  I did a hormonal panel as well and discovered  I had a decent chemical imbalance.  I have ordered a home saliva test and will post the results when I get them.

If gluten intolerance has taught me anything, it’s that if something in your body is “off”, symptoms can arise in the oddest of ways.

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Am I Gay or is it my OCD?

I first started to worry about the possibility of being bisexual when I was 12.  I was afraid of being gay, like many people who are confused about their orientation.  I remember having my first crush on a girl in elementary school, but  I struggled with sexual obsessions from my early teens, which casued me to repeatedly question my orientation.  Was I bi?  Was it my OCD?

I got relief once I learned it is very common for OCD sufferers to have obsessions regarding their sexuality.  This was only partly the case with me.

I did suffer from some sexual obsessions, but not all of my thoughts made me anxious.  An intrusive thought causing anxiety is an obsession, but a repressed thought that causes no anxiety is not.  I knew many of my sexual obsessions stemmed from OCD, but the attraction I felt towards women caused me no anxiety, no strife and in fact was not something I obsessed over because it fit into my shameful loops, but because I had repressed my desires along with many other sexual obsessions I wished to ignore.  It all got mixed together.

The key for me was to separate my thoughts into what caused anxiety and what did not.  This was difficult because I had to get through the confusion and bias in regards to my orientation.  I had to think about what it really meant to be bisexual or gay.  I had to listen to my true feelings and decide what was OCD and what was not.

Understanding OCD brings a lot of clarity.  Understanding my thoughts was crucial in separating my OCD from my real self.

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Scrupulosity and Atheism

I did not really grow up in a religious environment, but scrupulosity (obsession with sins), was a major player in my OCD.  I believed my sinful thoughts would manifest into something terrible.  I performed OCD rituals to “cancel out” these thoughts.  I feared the supernatural to an extreme.

Each night I would ask my siblings to come into my room to see if they could sense any spirits or ghosts.  I would request a different table at Claim Jumper if we were seated next to an old black and white photo of a most likely deceased person.  I also feared negative energy, wether being around it or causing it.  I believed my thoughts, if negative, could cause something terrible to happen.

When I became an atheist, I drastically got better.  Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals by Ian Osborne discusses possible ways to deal with OCD if you are religious and having problems with scrupulosity, however, religion was really the wrong fit for me.

I did not simply abandon any religious belief due to OCD, but really I had held on to those beliefs because of OCD.  It was the “what if?” factor.  I believed because wouldn’t it be better to believe and be wrong than to not believe and be wrong?  Not really.  Believing because of fear hurts.

I think maybe all this has something to do with the fear of the unknown and uncontrollable.

I feel I am more true to myself now.

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In a world where certainties are few…Ativan

Lorazepam is the strongest benzodiazepine on the market.  It is used for short term anxiety and short term insomnia.  It is also used intravenously in hospitals in patients before surgery.

I was admitted to the hospital for a kidney infection and the doctor asked me why my heart rate was so fast and I told her I had OCD. She gave me a prescription for 15 ativan and they worked. I did not feel high or doped, I felt normal, just calm, but not zombie like. I lived near the border and got enough ativan for a year, even though it is not recommended to take them for more than two months.

It has a fairly short half life and kicks in really quickly.  The side effects are a bit nasty and may include:

  • confusion
  • hyperactivity, agitation, hostility
  • hallucinations
  • feeling light-headed, fainting
  • drowsiness, dizziness, tiredness
  • sleep problems (insomnia)
  • muscle weakness, lack of balance or coordination
  • amnesia or forgetfulness, trouble concentrating
  • nausea, vomiting, constipation
  • appetite changes
  • skin rash
  • sexual disfunction

I began taking ativan nightly.  A small dose, but it’s strong.  It helped alleviate my anxiety and helped me sleep.  I took it regularly for seven months, and got addicted.

I started to think about getting off of it after a few months because of the side effects I had developed, the worst ones being sexual disfunction, gloomy mood, and hallucinations.

I had forgotten to take ativan one night and then following morning I woke up with shaking, sweats, confusion, anxiety, stress, crying…  I didn’t know what was going on until I realized I missed my self prescribed dose.

I weaned myself off of ativan over a month.  Like I mentioned, I was taking a very small dose, so getting off of it did not take too long, but if you find yourself needing to get off of ativan, please use caution and do your research to do it safely, and seek help if you need it.

My side effects faded away, all but the hallucinations.  At my eye exam, I asked my optometrist about the hallucinations, and he said that if too high a dose of certain drugs are taken, the brain can respond with hallucinations. My hallucinations ceased after I took psilocybin mushrooms.

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Marijuana

This solved my eating disorder.  Marijuana stimulates the hypothalumus, which means it stimulates hunger.  As far as OCD is concerned, this drug acts almost like a focus breaker, and getting a break from a thought I’ve had for hours is paradise.  Some people get paranoid, but for me, tv is an easy fix to that because it’s very easy to get distracted and change your thoughts to something else.  It also is the best sleep aid I’ve ever used.  I also prefer this to pharmacologicals because it is natural and there is virtually no risk of addiction.

There is a lot of propaganda out there about marijuana, and most of it is totally ridiculous and untrue.  I recently watched a film called “The Union: The business of Getting High” which is great to see if you are nervous about trying it or if you want to learn anything about it.

Here is a link to an article by BBC:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4338634.stm

Also, here is a great link to a page detailing the myths and facts about marijuana (includes sources)

http://www.drugpolicy.org/marijuana/factsmyths/

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History

I grew up with no knowledge of OCD and no idea there was a name for my madness.  I hid my rituals the best I could, coming up with excuses for what I was doing or performing rituals quietly like turning on the faucet only slightly.  My OCD not only affected my life and caused stress on my family, but caused problems eating and feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt.  I couldn’t (still don’t) read or watch the news.  For some reason I felt totally responsible for world disasters.  It’s impossible for me to keep things to myself; I need to admit what I’m thinking to get reassurance.

My OCD affected me primarily via the form of scrupulosity (obsession with sins).  I was not heavily religious, but I believed my shameful thoughts were dooming me.  My compulsions began to get out of control.

Hand washing, checking, counting, eating disorder… thinking about violent ways to die or ways others might die because of me. Violent thoughts dominated my head, and I was breaking down.

Funnily enough, it was not until I saw an episode of Scrubs featuring Michael J. Fox who plays a character with OCD, that I learned that I may have a known problem.  “O my god…I do that stuff!”

A few weeks later, I was vacationing and the change of routine spiked my OCD.  I could not stop filling and emptying my glass of water.  I washed my hands till they bled.  I got on the internet and onto a forum where I figured out I might have OCD.

I told my sister that night and she was very supportive.  When I returned home, I went to dinner with my now-fiance and told him what was going on.  I shook and fidgeted with high anxiety, and admitted the most horrible embarrassing thing about myself.  He was wonderful and has been supportive and incredibly helpful in dealing with this since.

When I returned for my final semester of college, I began some counseling and learned quite a bit about how to accept the fact that I had OCD as well as some of my options.

OCD is terrible.  I sometimes feel like my brain hates me.  I wonder why my brain is trying to destroy me.  Some days are harder than others, but at this point in my life, I am in therapy and I feel like things are getting better.

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I have tried many forms of treatment and will list them all in this blog. I will also write about interesting new research in OCD as well as some other cool info I learn.