Gollum

I sat there watching Lord of the Rings and was a little scared, but I liked the movie.  Gollum looked creepy as he went from bouts of greedy malice to fearfully helpful to torturous inward turmoil.  I didn’t know I had OCD at this time, but the way Gollum grabbed his head while he sat on the ground frustrated by his inner voices freaked me out to no end.  I was taken aback by how much I felt like him.  I knew I didn’t have schizophrenia which he seemed to sort of resemble having, but I recognized that grinding hold he put with his fingers to his forehead, covering his eyes, trying to control his thoughts with his hands.  It’s been a symbol that I think about every once in a while.  It’s the sort of thing that comforts me, while at the same time bothering me.  When I start to break down, I grab my head like Gollum does.

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