I first started to worry about the possibility of being bisexual when I was 12. I was afraid of being gay, like many people who are confused about their orientation. I remember having my first crush on a girl in elementary school, but I struggled with sexual obsessions from my early teens, which casued me to repeatedly question my orientation. Was I bi? Was it my OCD?
I got relief once I learned it is very common for OCD sufferers to have obsessions regarding their sexuality. This was only partly the case with me.
I did suffer from some sexual obsessions, but not all of my thoughts made me anxious. An intrusive thought causing anxiety is an obsession, but a repressed thought that causes no anxiety is not. I knew many of my sexual obsessions stemmed from OCD, but the attraction I felt towards women caused me no anxiety, no strife and in fact was not something I obsessed over because it fit into my shameful loops, but because I had repressed my desires along with many other sexual obsessions I wished to ignore. It all got mixed together.
The key for me was to separate my thoughts into what caused anxiety and what did not. This was difficult because I had to get through the confusion and bias in regards to my orientation. I had to think about what it really meant to be bisexual or gay. I had to listen to my true feelings and decide what was OCD and what was not.
Understanding OCD brings a lot of clarity. Understanding my thoughts was crucial in separating my OCD from my real self.