Does OCD go away?

And do I really want it to?

It took me a really long time to find the courage to go to therapy. I was hopeless that it could help, nervous about how hard and embarrassing it would be, and uncertain I wanted to lose such a huge part of my identity.

These thoughts reaffirmed what I had known all along, that I was not worth it. So, when I finally sat in that ever so slightly therapist’s chair, I felt pretty desperate. My goal which took awhile to cement was to learn enough tools to function in the really world and maybe even be a little happy.

That was 10 years ago. I think long enough for me to answer this question and the answer is more than a “yes” or “no”

I have learned that my OCD is not a mysterious syndrome or infection, that just attacked me and then got cleared. Rather, it was a predisposition. I was always an anxious kid, nervous by nature. OCD was always a risk and it expresses itself when the conditions allowed. The conditions of my body do not currently allow for it. This means that I’m better able to tolerate stress, I continue to work on my self esteem, eat well, sleep well and do all the things I need to support what I’m also predisposed to….peace.

My OCD could come back if conditions change; that’s a possibility. That idea really scared me the first 3 years following my symptoms ceasing, but now because I can see how far I’ve come and the beautiful and powerful person I have become. Power is different from control; control is about holding on to fear and power is about letting go.

So, regarding OCD and wether or not it can be cured? I don’t really look at it that way. I think what matters is believing that your life can be different and you are worth it.

Stay strong my friends.

OCD and Covid19

“The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things”….

I have been thinking so much about Covid because it’s part of my job and well, who isn’t, right? The concern for me was about all the encouraged hand washing and OCD. Would that scratch that OCD itch in my brain? I got tired real quick about singing ‘happy birthday’ while washing my hands and it became clear to me that this is like life in that we can’t be perfect and striving to perfectly eliminate all risk is just not gonna happen, and increase anxiety.

It’s normal right now to have some low grade anxiety. I mean, it’s my first global pandemic and things change every day so the lack of reassurance is enough for anyone to feel a little more anxious. I have been reading more “Louise Hay” and came across this affirmation that I am loving right now: “I embrace the now”. I literally just sighed as I typed that. And I started thinking that this quarantine could last longer than we think so it’s important to do a few things that make us feel better because otherwise we could be white-knuckling it for a long time.

  1. If you have a psychologist or healthcare practitioner, see if they can offer telemedicine appointments right now.
  2. Exercise! There are some awesome 10-20 minute workouts on youtube. Exercise may be the single most beneficial thing for depression and helps get out some of that pent up energy.
  3. Light candles at night to relax
  4. Get dressed. I know it’s tempting to stay in jimmies all day, but get up and put on anything you want to wear!
  5. Puzzles. Im seriously digging this Disney puzzle. It’s Minnie and Mickey on the red carpet and it’s a really calming thing for my brain. I bet coloring and card games like Solitaire would also be calming.
  6. Journal. Here is a video I made about journaling
  7. Seek Connection

If you live alone and are naturally an introvert, you still need connection. One thing I like to do is FaceTime my family and friends for company. We don’t call to talk, we just turn on a movie at the same time on Netflix and watch it together. We also turn on FaceTime for working out. We pick a workout on youtube and start it at the same time and it’s a lot of fun. I know it can be hard to pick up the phone, but trust me, your friends will be glad to get a call. We are all in this together. Like always, one day at a time.

Stay well and stay strong!

OCD and low self esteem

They seem to go together, don’t they? I wonder if perhaps one makes the other worse. I remember when my OCD started to seriously improve, but my self esteem didn’t. A lot of the anxiety, stress and busy schedule got better, but I still saw myself as a pretty messed up person. I knew OCD was not my fault and I felt proud of the therapy I had worked on, so why did I still feel so worthless? I think its understandable though, I mean I was doing rituals that I was embarrassed by, felt so angry at myself for not getting far enough along in therapy, and compared myself to all the “normies”.

Im sure everyone has their own opinion on self esteem, but for me it looks like this…

A person with high self esteem carries beliefs like “I am worthy”, they trust in their own judgment, do not excessively worry, and they consider themselves equal.

A person with low self esteem might experience heavy self criticism, chronic indecision, eagerness to please others, perfectionism, neurotic guilt, pessimism and envy.

I think you can see why people with OCD struggle with low self esteem…. So the question is, can we raise it while still dealing with the struggles of OCD that resemble it, such as perfectionism and indecision?

This is no simple topic and one that I believe can be best worked on in steps. Firstly, try not to beat yourself up. This is a hard one because we have such high standards, but it’s a great place to start. What I used to say all the time was “I’m just bat-shit; who in their right mind wouldn’t run for the hills once they get to know me?” What I could say instead is something like “I’m not crazy, I just have OCD. I do have friends that love me, though I am scared of how others might view me and that makes not nervous to let knew people get to know me. Im lovable.”

What I like about that is its not completely something I would write off, and it still acknowledges my anxieties and concerns, but without being so judgey and mean to myself.

So, I have been practicing being kinder to myself for quite some time now and somedays it’s easy and other times not so much. I had OCD for years so I know it could take a bit of time and work to raise my self esteem into a more stable state. But, its one day at a time. And no matter if you were recently diagnosed, deep in the thick of it, struggling in therapy, or finding out who you are on the outside of OCD, there is always room to show kindness to yourself.

Stay strong!

Natural Approaches to Treating Mental Illness 

I really can’t paint the picture enough to show just how severe my OCD was. People meet me today and say how “normal” I seem, and tell me they just can’t imagine another version. It wasn’t overnight, and not always easy, but my journey certainly was my own.  I did almost everything they said. Well, not really, but I did start with therapy. I was impressed with the statistics I found on ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). But I was lucky; I had good health insurance and access to a therapist who I liked, who was taking new patients, and who was familiar with my condition. This is not often the case. I never tried SSRIs, though if my progress after therapy had regressed, I may have considered it. Diminished libido and weight gain were two side effects that dettered me. But really, those are the options most of the time… therapy and medication. I knew there had to be more, and there is. 

The thing is, mental health issues are often a combination of psychological inflexibility and physiological causes. Hormone imbalance, nutrient deficiency, genetics, traumatic brain injuries, chronic inflammation, infection and other diseases can all trigger or inflate psychological symptoms. Behavioral symptoms can then manifest including insomnia, eating disorders and addiction. Psychotherapy can truly do an incredible job at addressing not only stress reduction, but teaching self compassion and instilling invaluable skills to handle “spikes” in symptoms when they arise. Other ways to reduce stress include yoga and meditation. 

Now, to target the other piece of the puzzle, we need to find out what else is happening in the body. Testing and proper diagnosis of any underlying condition is important. Some of these tests can be ordered by a “regular” doctor, but a naturopathic doctor would be the one to order more specialty tests such as neurotransmitter analysis. This underlying condition (or physiological cause), if there is one, and/or chronic stress can contribute to neurochemical imbalance like low serotonin and dopamine.  Luckily, there are options for correcting these imbalances such as neurofeedback, targeted amino acid therapy, nutrition and botanical/herbal medicine. I’ll break down some of these options. 

Neurofeedback is a type of biofeedback that uses EEG to get real time display of brain activity with the goal being to teach self regulation of brain function. Leads are placed on the scalp and a computer screen shows brain waves. The individual then can learn to slow down or speed up brain waves. It’s kind of like learning to be aware and regulate your breathing. Pretty cool, right? It can be useful for ADHD, anxiety, depression, autism, OCD, PTSD and epilepsy. 

Targeted Amino Acid Therapy is based on Pfeiffers Law which states that If a drug can be found to do the job of medical healing, a nutrient can be found to do the same job. Amino acids are the building blocks of neurotransmitters and neurotransmitters are what become imbalanced with psychological inflexibility and a multitude of biological causes. Even gut issues can contribute to neurotransmitter imbalance because GABA and serotonin are made in the gut. Any condition that causes nutrient depletion can interfere with the production of neurotransmitters as well.  What is important to know is that this therapy must be tailored and targeted to the individual because neurotransmitter imbalance can look differently in everyone. For example, if we lined up 100 people with low tryptophan (the amino acid precursor of serotonin), we would see people with conditions including aggression, alcoholism, anorexia, ADD, insomnia, sexual dysfunction, and sleep disorders. 

Nutrition is one of the most foundational areas to look at when supporting someone’s mental health. I read a study many years ago, conducted in Australia. A link was found between sugar and anxiety! Makes sense, sugar is a stimulant and can even act as a hormone in the body. Food sensitivities and allergies also flare up psychological symptoms. 

There are many options available and the beauty is that when one thing gets better, often the rest follows. It sounds overwhelming, but I like to look at like an orchestra; when a few adjustments are made, the whole symphony sounds new. A tweak here and there, and we get brand new music! The journey looks different for everyone, but there is always hope and progress to be made. Essentially the goal is to increase one’s ability to tolerate psychological discomfort, address the biological contributors to the symptoms, and to alleviate as much stress and reduce triggers as much as possible to allow the person to heal tolerably and gently. 

Not everyone will respond to the same treatment because not everyone has the same factors contributing to the manifestation of their symptoms. The key is to embrace your own healing journey; to know there are more options out there than what was once traditionally prescribed and to not give up.