An Honest Attempt

Since starting therapy, I have been so emotional.  I didn’t cry last session though which made me feel proud that I’d kept it together, but when I got home I felt like shit.  This showed me that suppressing the urge to cry is worse than crying.   I am going to do my best to explain this honestly.

I am not as “ok” as I thought.  The truth is that there are times when I’m feeling a little better and times when I feel hopeless.  My recent posts have indicated that I have tried and found treatments that work for me, but the deal is that although they help, they didn’t cure.  Pot really is the best sleep aid I’ve tried and shrooms did  bring me off the ocd ledge quite a bit, but I am just now learning that my coping mechanisms are not going to save me and that I’ve got to work through this myself.

I don’t write this to erase the opinions I’ve expressed about certain treatments, but rather to stop suppressing the feelings i have, even if i dont enjoy feeling them.

3 thoughts on “An Honest Attempt

  1. I’m glad you’re allowing yourself to be honest. Honesty can be really tough. I know it can feel hopeless, but try to focus more on your progress than on your regress. The important thing is that you’re fighting. As long as you keep fighting, OCD doesn’t get to win.

    If will be a hard fight and will take lots and lots of work and probably lots more tears, but hold on. It will be worth it.

    And don’t suppress the tears. In my experience, I feel better after a good cry. So if I feel tears coming, I let them flow until they’re gone. There’s nothing wrong with crying, I promise. You aren’t being a baby. You’re dealing with pain. That’s more than ok. It’s good.

    • Thanks Elly!

      That is very kind of you to say and I (somewhat unwillingly) cried when i read it. It really meant a lot to me to read that and I will do my best to recall your advice when im in doubt.


  2. Crying ain’t bad. It can be a form of purification, if your crying can turn to joy of Life.

    Like, the next time you get an emotion that triggers the sadness, offer it up to an image of a pet you loved but passed on. Or an uncle or grandmom that was so loving. Give the emotion over to them, and let the cry be full of happy tears.

    Thankful for what you have in life, rather than what you don’t have.

    Hell, you got the ability to write and reason with people, something that half the world is still sruggling with . . .

    michael j
    ptsd’ing it
    & lovin’ people
    like you and me

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