its been a year since i started this, so here is what im thinking as of now.

i still use pot nightly. it helps me calm down immensely. i use ativan when i travel or when i really am going crazy and that is still effective.

i recently decided to get therapy. i have indicated in my previous post about CBT, that i had little interest in it, but what changed for me was school. i decided to go back to school to become a psychiatric nurse to help others with ocd. i started community college and from the start to the end of the quarter, i got sick. i got a sinus infection, ear infection, yeast infections, staph infection and a cold. perhaps stress had something to do with it. my ocd got out of hand. it occurred to me that there is no way i can help anyone when i cant even take care of myself. i still have no interest in SSRIs, so therapy seemed like it. shrooms helps so i think ill give that a go again, but im further from calm than i thought.

i found a therapist and man, was she a bitch. she laughed at my stories of panic attacks. she triggered my ocd by a surprising amount of commentary. i found another therapist who i trust so far. i really like him. he diagnosed me with severe ocd and moderate-severe general anxiety disorder. he asked if i wanted to do CBT or ACT. i chose ACT.

first session is tomorrow. my dreams have been fucked up this week. i have hope.