smile

I used to be good at distracting people from my embarrassing compulsions and nervousness. I hated people asking me if I was nervous; I did not want to draw attention to my crazy brain. I guess I also did not want my mood to inconvenience anyone. I would talk really fast in hopes people would focus on what I said and not what my fidgetty hands were doing. I smiled all the time, even when sad, to throw people off. I smiled so much, it’s habit to do it at the “wrong” times even if it’s stupid like when a security guard tells me to move. I don’t talk as much and I think it’s because much of my anxiety is gone and my brain isn’t moving a mile a minute. The problem is, I still smile.

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2 thoughts on “smile

  1. I have the same problem as you do. It all started like this.
    I had this ponytail first time and that made me look like a cool hunk.
    But I am not a very social person to manage the attention I was getting.
    So all I told for a few years was not to show smirk on my face when people look at me because they would take it for arrogance. They might
    think that I know that I look handsome or something like this. So I used
    to be more and more aware of how I my mouth was:whether serious or smiling. When I entered my classroom alone, I used to think that everyone is looking at me and this is a time to be serious and not put on any kind of smile. This thing went on and on for a couple of years and now I smile for no reason. What’s worse is while trying to control my smile, my mouth goes into one awkward shape where the other person feels so uncomfortable that he leaves the place! I visited a psychiatrist recently after 7 years of this disorder started and he prescribed Fludac 20 mg. I have seen some relief (25%) but I learnt online that medicine can relive you upto 30% and therapy can do it upto 80%. I have an appointment coming up in another 6 days again and this time I plan to discuss it thoroughly

    • Hi Iak! So sorry for the way late response. I would love to know how therapy is going for you. I find it to be very challenging, but very helpful. Take care!!

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