Ian Osborn wrote a book about OCD called “Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals” including details of his experience at medical school and becoming a doctor. I should also mention that Ian had OCD. Severely too.
When I read his book, my OCD was everything and it demanded all of my attention, but I hoped that someday I might get it under control enough to go to medical school to.
OCD makes us want to be perfect. Perfect in every way and I knew the medical school would demand this same drive from me. Scary. The question was “If my OCD gets under control, can I have a purpose driven life?” I mean, who wants to rock the boat?
I got to the point where I didn’t need help getting dressed and I didn’t have to wash my hands repeatedly, and the gratitude I felt was so intense, I wondered if I deserved more. It felt wrong to want to go to school, like I had already been given so much.
GUILT! The OCD’s right-hand man. Sneaky.
Second year of medical school and my OCD has popped it’s head out in some very creative ways, but I have committed to not quitting. Food was scaring me. I’d be so busy with studying I thought “I dont have time to deal with this obsession” and walk out of my kitchen without food.
No matter what stage of your OCD you are in….weather you are newly diagnosed, in treatment, doing just fine…. You are more than your OCD. Sometimes my OCD does feel like the star of the show, and I give it attention and take care of myself because my mental health is most important, but when things are good, I get to enjoy life a little and so do you!