I haven’t written in so long due to fear. But fear aside, I’m ready to share the truth.
My OCD is all but alleviated. I am reminded rarely, but abruptly every so often when I have an “OCD” moment at how life used to be. I am shocked by these occurrences at how I used to feel every day for years. It’s easy to forget the mental torture, because really, why would I want to remember? But, I do in some ways because I’ll never really fit in completely, and I need to know why. However, I am in the best place I can be for the next part of my life which is to help other people get better and finally become friends with their bullying minds.
On to the fear part of this. After the OCD was taken out of my brain, there was a shadow of where it was, and my sense of self was shaken. I self-harmed more than ever and acted out in many self-destructive ways. I got back into therapy, wondering what the point was of peeling back these layers of my mind only to find more problems underneath. Here is why I keep going:
- Whatever issues I now face, I am more equipped to handle now that I have gotten over OCD
- There will always be challenges in life
- The problems I have at this point are not as bad as my OCD
So, while I struggle with a whole new set of cards, I would’t trade them in for my past. As I have said before, we all have a story that will fluctuate with joys and disappointments and we must commit to not quitting and that commitment doesn’t stop no matter how tough or easy things get. Keep writing your story, and stay strong.